Abundance begins moving in

I am not quite sure of what’s been happening for the last month or so, i stopped writing in this blog because of a lack of motivation. for a while there i felt that i was really not accomplishing much and even that i did not know at all what i really wanted. during the last several weeks some things have changed. I think i have finally found some direction. During this time, i have found new opportunities, and i have seen situations that looked ugle turn into more than favorable for me, and for the most part, without me having to do much about it. In other words, it would have never worked so well if i had planned it. During this weeks new opportunities for work have presented themselves out of the blue. I have created my very own graphic design business, with a client already that favors my work over the work of anyone else he works with. I have received his encouragement and mentorship to move forward with my business and i have (effortlessly) reached a payment agreement that seems too good to be true. it is actually quite impressive the way this happened, i think it is worth it to tell the story over here. here it goes:

For about a week or so, my business did what i consider to be very good work for its only client. Eventually i had the opportunity to find out that my client, who had already sold the magazine i was creating for him had terminated the business transaction with his client and now the magazine i was creating was not going to go anywhere. I was worried also about not getting paid. Ideally, and according to previous agreements I understood that for the work i was doing i was to receive less than 500 dollars. not a lot of money but still worth it. I was presenting to my client a total of 19 pages for the magazine and he had agreed to pay $500 for 24 pages. (perhaps i should mention that my client is also my current employer, but all work was completed at times that did not conflict with my regular working hours) Understanding that i was to receive a certain amount of money, i found that it was time to present my client with an invoice, hoping that he would agree to pay. days before i had already stopped worrying about getting paid, i figured the best thing was to let it go and trust that i would be fairly compensated, and i did just so. I did not know exactly how to mark up the 19 pages that i was charging my client for since the agreement had been for 24 so i decided to make a bold move. I presented my client with a list of all the pages created for him, the total of 19 pages, and i said to him that he should mark up what the job was worth, i said to him that trusted that he would be fair. luckily for me, my client had all intention on paying the money, and after considering the fair payment for my work, right in front of my and explaning his methods of calculations, he decided that i should get a total of 750 dollars for the 19 pages i was presenting him with that is over 250 dollars more than according to my calculations i was supposed to charge. is that amazing or what! furthermore, he said this method worked just fine, he wanted to make sure that i was compensated fairly and that this was the way he was planning on doing business from now on. Quite convenient for me actually!

After this experience i saw my new business starting to pick up. During this last weeks i have also been presented with an opportunity to invest in the ASD Cash Generator. I have heard nothing but good things about this new company and advertising program and i have invested 600 dollars which were upgraded to 1200 so that should be my initial investment. This is a very promising opportunity and i have the feeling that there is a lot of money to be made in this way. what’s actually quite impressive is that this is the kind of thing in which you do almost nothing and make money, kind of how i wanted last time i wrote a post on this blog.

I see that finally i’m starting to move forward and i think this shall be the beginning of a better life.

Getting Some Direction

Finally after a lot of “I don’t know what I want to do with my life,” I think I have found at least some direction. Yes, Graphic Design is something I really like. Yes, I do want to go to Portfolio Center, and Yes! I do want to design perhaps, for the rest of my days. But I also want money. Lately I have discovered that money, however, does not make me happy, or even happier. I have discovered that between money and time, I’d rather chose time. I think it is probably almost a sin to say it, but, I want to have money in an effortless way. I don’t want to sacrifice anything to get it. Just have it. Am I shooting for the stars here? Most likely, is it doable? Why not. So, we’ll see. There are some other areas of my life in which things are not that clear, but I have to say I am definitely moving forward.

So Far, No Good

Ok, its been a couple of days since i begun and so far, i have accomplished nothing. It’s frustrating because i don’t really have any type of plan or anything like that and when the time comes, at night, i find the urge for food and so far i find it very difficult to resist. But i have to, 8 months i said. 8 months.

My face on the other hand is doing quite good. I like to see how it improves. It is really something i like because at least it looks like i am accomplishing something. I do have a problem area, but i think it will disappear soon. anyway, that’s my progress so far.

It’s funny how,  just a couple of weeks ago i had such a different plan. Today it seems like I’m just trying to accomplish what a bunch of losers are out there seeking. losers or not, i’m joining the team! I just need to remember this is not a simple goal. It’s victory over myself. My life depends on it.

A New Goal: Victory Over Myself

I’ve been thinking and I think i finally have a place to start. I have identified my unbeatable odds. The same odds that have won over me for over 2o years now. So to begin, a small step, a common step that doesn’t seem like much could actually mean a lot. Here i go:

Lose Weight
Clear my face from acne COMPLETELY

That’s a place to start. Now, How many pounds do I need to lose?
Ok, I currently weight 170 Pounds and I’m 5.4″ tall, according to the ideal weight calculator i should weight about 140. Sounds good to me! So i’m gonna lose…..30 Pounds!

Here’s the thing, If i accomplish this 2 things will happen..no actually a lot of things will happen:

1. I will have accomplished something big that i have wanted all my life
2. I will have learned to master myself
3. I will have learned to be responsible for my own body
4. I will prove that unbeatable odds can be beat in my life

So for how long…or how long is it gonna take?
8 Months. I don’t know if it’s realistic to lose 30 pounds in 8 months or if it’s too much time, but it’s gonna be 8 months.

Aparently 8 months could actually be a lot of time,  so let’s begin!

Unbeatable odds

There’s something about accomplishment. It feels good. When can you say you have accomplished something? When you struggled and suffered and persisted and failed and wanted it bad and finally got it? what does it take to accomplish something big? and how big does it really need to be for you to feel that it’s something at least? do you accomplish when you beat unbeatable odds? does it take a lifetime, or could it take a couple of months? Well…Nonsense! Stupidity!………..I want to beat my unbeatable odds. For sure.

Same Old, Same Old

I don’t exactly like to be repeating myself all the time, so I find no pleasure in writing the same thing over and over again, but what else can I say? is there any way I could maybe, just maybe, go on with my life and find an answer at last? well, I see no better choice than to continue to say the same yet one more time. here it goes: I’ve lost track! I don’t know what I will do with my life!!!!!! There, I said it. No biggie.

Well I’m still in the same place that I was a couple of days ago
and I  continue to wonder what the direction of my life will be
I am inclined to believe that it can only be one,
perhaps the future is only one: Me being myself at last.
do I want to be a graphic designer still?
can’t answer that question now, you see,
just a few days ago I would’ve said yes with no possible doubt.
But today…It’s a brand new day, like I like to say,
and the truth remains that I don’t know. I don’t know.
More and more I think I don’t.
what will I do then? where will I go then?
“Dare something worthy” the book says.
What exactly is “something worthy?”
ah…what the hell, I’m getting tired of this anyway.
I’ll come back later when I have something “Worthy” to say.
Same old, same old. That’s all I’ve got today.

Never too late?

Could it be? is it really possible?
Could it be that it’s never too late?
Well at least in your 20’s seems early to say
But tell me for sure what advantage you hold
if there are also those that begun years ago.

I don’t know.
If you break it down day by day, then I guess
There’s plenty of time in our lives to not waste
So then it is truth that it’s never too late.

The Future seems rather uncertain, for now

It’s a brand new day, I like to say. I suppose a new beginning is always something important. Or at least it feels like it. Somehow I have the feeling that a brand new day is coming, just like the ones that have come time and time again before. What will be different this time?

Would I dare to say that this project that I begun just a couple of weeks ago is over? Perhaps I wouldn’t, but i have to admit that wherever I lead my days is probably not where I intended back then. So here I am. I make it official: I’ve lost track, and I’m anything but sure of where i am or where i am headed.

Not all can be bad news then I suppose, actually, I have the feeling that this is all for good. I have the feeling that I can do wonders, that my life is for more than i initially believed, but I don’t know where to start, what to do.

Today I wonder, what is important in the life of mankind? for some is a family, I guess it’s only natural. but…not for me. Not that much. My family consists of one person only, other than me. honestly, i am not exactly planning to make it any bigger, although i would love to find a partner. A man that i can share so many things with. but other than that i just keep wondering, in 20 years who would I be? what will a have accomplished? Will i have made any difference in the world? at all? will there be anyone to look up to me?

I understand it is hardly about the end of the journey and now more than ever more and more about the journey itself, but by the ways the world works and by the way the mind works, how much can we really accomplish if for most it takes a lifetime to come by something they wanted for all their years? in that case then, If I have a shot at something, anything at all, I guess I better make a good pick and hurry up.

So what is it going to be then? what do I choose to do with whatever time I have left? would I dare to pursue what I always dreamed of even if the ways of the world tell me it is rather impossible? should I take it on faith and move on with it even if that means hoping out of thin air to beat unbeatable odds?

My dear Maria. What better moment to question yourself than now
Nothing is written in stone, my love
And yet I look into your eyes that are my very own
and it takes just a glimpse to know for sure
that if you had a million years to live
you wouldn’t dare to take that chance still
and furthermore my dear,
would it be worth it to take the journey
even if you where to fail?
I think It was you who said
It is not about the end.

Hope’s Still Alive, No matter what, No matter what.

Let today be the day.
Rejoice! It’s my time at last!
Music, sets the rhythm of my Soul,
drives the beating of my heart.

What do I not dare even dream?

What is it that I am denying myself.
As I have done till now?
I know a number of things perhaps
that have been hidden in the darkest corners of my soul.
Why? Why have I chosen to live…like this.
And I just continue every single day of my life to believe
that tomorrow, as much i love today will be better.
Perhaps better than today.
At least better than yesterday.
but is it really? I am happy nonetheless.
There is something in the air that tricks but tells
that my life shall be so different.
That my days are full of wonders.
That my tears, of joy and empty of reasons
shall bring the life that I deserve.
At the end, whatever my life shall be
It is only complete if I dare to be, myself.
The one that I dream, the one that i love.
The one, the only one. The one that I am.

I know what I don’t dare even dream.
Is to be like me, just to be like me.
Like i really am, like i’ve always been.
And yet in my words i tell
that you may not know me
but i’m still myself.

Only my words
for now, until I dare.